On the naming of parts. Er, storms.

By now, it’s pretty plain that the Weather Channel’s plan to market and merchandise winter storms get people to “take winter storms seriously by naming them” is an abject failure, in large part due to the unintentional hi-larity of the names they have chosen. (Okay, I was fond of “Gandalf.” Next year: Erebor!)

Basically, it fell prey to the same sort of problems these top-down plans always have: in addition to being mockworthy, the names were unmemorable and externally imposed.

So I propose a a plan to name winter storms things that people will actually use. Twitter-friendly handles that combine a unique identifier with a succinct expression of the situation.

Please consult the table below to Name Your Winter Storm.

Date Storm Name
Oct 30-Nov 15 What, Already?
Nov 16-21 Snowball Fight!
Nov 21-31 Well, This Is Gonna Fuck Up Travel
Dec 1-19 Guess We Were About Due
Dec 20-25 Maybe We’ll Get A White Christmas
Dec 26-30 Hey, Let’s Go Skiing!
Dec 31 Ambulances Are Gonna Be Busy Tonight
Jan 1-15 I Really Don’t Mind Shoveling This Fluffy Stuff
Jan 16-31 Why Didn’t We Buy A Snowblower This Year Again?
Feb 1-5 Well, It Always Hits In February
Feb 6-10 I’m Getting Tired Of Winter
Feb 11-15 This Month Is Too Fucking Long
Feb 16-20 My Grandfather Used To Call This Heart Attack Snow
Feb 21-25 Seriously, This Can Be Done Now
Feb 26-28(9) Isn’t It Spring Yet?
March 1-15 There’s Always One Last Good One
March 16-31 Now Cut That Out!
April 1-May 31 You Have Got To Be Fucking Kidding Me

Posted: Thursday, February 13th, 2014 @ 1:10 pm
Categories: Blog.
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3 Responses to “On the naming of parts. Er, storms.”

  1. matociquala Says:

    There are tertiary stages, of course. Such as “Irish Coffee” and “Cranking up the Harry Belafonte/Jimmy Buffett Playlist.”

    French Toast Emergency!

  2. Kevin J. Maroney Says:

    Second week of March is officially “It Always Snows During Lunacon” here in southern New York.

  3. matociquala Says:

    Here in Massachusetts, we have the traditional Boskone Blizzard.