By now, it’s pretty plain that the Weather Channel’s plan to market and merchandise winter storms get people to “take winter storms seriously by naming them” is an abject failure, in large part due to the unintentional hi-larity of the names they have chosen. (Okay, I was fond of “Gandalf.” Next year: Erebor!)
Basically, it fell prey to the same sort of problems these top-down plans always have: in addition to being mockworthy, the names were unmemorable and externally imposed.
So I propose a a plan to name winter storms things that people will actually use. Twitter-friendly handles that combine a unique identifier with a succinct expression of the situation.
Please consult the table below to Name Your Winter Storm.
|Oct 30-Nov 15||What, Already?|
|Nov 16-21||Snowball Fight!|
|Nov 21-31||Well, This Is Gonna Fuck Up Travel|
|Dec 1-19||Guess We Were About Due|
|Dec 20-25||Maybe We’ll Get A White Christmas|
|Dec 26-30||Hey, Let’s Go Skiing!|
|Dec 31||Ambulances Are Gonna Be Busy Tonight|
|Jan 1-15||I Really Don’t Mind Shoveling This Fluffy Stuff|
|Jan 16-31||Why Didn’t We Buy A Snowblower This Year Again?|
|Feb 1-5||Well, It Always Hits In February|
|Feb 6-10||I’m Getting Tired Of Winter|
|Feb 11-15||This Month Is Too Fucking Long|
|Feb 16-20||My Grandfather Used To Call This Heart Attack Snow|
|Feb 21-25||Seriously, This Can Be Done Now|
|Feb 26-28(9)||Isn’t It Spring Yet?|
|March 1-15||There’s Always One Last Good One|
|March 16-31||Now Cut That Out!|
|April 1-May 31||You Have Got To Be Fucking Kidding Me|